I lie next to Skyler as he sleeps. The snowstorm outside seems more like we’re in the middle of a tornado. Skyler’s sleeping, but I’m still awake. The light’s on, which doesn’t help, but he can’t sleep without it. I try not to watch him sleep, but he’s so captivating I can’t help myself. I want to go watch tv in the living room, but his family’s asleep in various other room of the house. I don’t want to wake them.
Skyler rolls over to his side messing up his black hair even more. I roll over to my other side so I’m not looking at him when he wakes. I don’t want to frighten him.
‘I’m only here until the morning.’ I remind myself.
Skyler pulls the blanket to him a bit. I get out from underneath it, and push it toward him. I look at the clock.
‘It’s only 3:23?… It’s been a long night… Though, I don’t really mind. I have him by my side, and that’s really all I need… Too bad we can’t stay this way forever.’
I sigh. Skyler stirs and puts his long, slender arms around me pulling me close to him. He puts his cheek on my cheek. I’m so close I feel his pulse and his hot breath on my neck. I shiver. He kisses my neck.
‘He’s awake?’ I think.
Skyler and I just lay there. I don’t know what to do.
“Amaya?” He whispers so gently.
I roll over and whisper back, “Why are you awake, Sky?”
Skyler shrugs. I sigh. He pulls me close so we are nose to nose. His eyes are filled with such darkness. I shake my head. Skyler smirks at me a bit. I smile at him. His ice blue eyes seem to sparkle like the sea in the middle of the ocean on a mostly cloudy day. I kiss him softly. He smiles, kissing me back just as softly. His pulse speeds up a bit. I smile. Pulling away from the kiss, he looks at me with both happy and sad eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I ask in a worried tone.
“Why do you always know?” He says sadly.
“Because I know you,” I say pulling him close to me.
Skyler lays his cheek against mine and sighs. The silence bugs me, but I wait until he’s ready to answer. There’s no reason to rush him. He sighs.
“I want to be with you, but I can’t… My mom loves you, but you’re too young, and she doesn’t want me to go to jail… I’m so sorry,” Skyler whispers.
It takes me a moment to fully process what Skyler says. I stay silent and go numb to protect myself.
“Amaya?” Skyler says, panicked.
I don’t answer.
“Amaya, say something.”
I still don’t answer. Skyler grabs my shoulders and shakes me slightly. I still don’t respond.
“Amaya… Please… I love you,” Skyler says.
My numbness turns into rage, and I scream, “If you really love me, you wouldn’t care what she said!”
I storm out of the room, grabbing my jacket on the way out the door. I throw my jacket on as I’m walking to the door. I hear Skyler run out of his room. I shove my shoes on and run out the door. The blizzard rages on, and I’m already cold. The snowflakes burns my face as the wind blows them at what feels like 70 mph. My tears start to freeze. I keep running. I don’t hear Skyler behind me anymore. I find a small group of trees.
‘I can use these as barrier. I may be upset, but I have to be smart to survive… Though, I almost don’t care.’ I think running to them.
The ground is mostly free of snow, so I curl up into a small ball with jacket pulled over my legs to keep myself warm. I close my eyes and hum to distract myself from the cold. The humming soon turns into singing Missing by Evanescence:
“Please, please forgive me,
But I won’t be home again.
Maybe someday you’ll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you’ll say to no one:
Isn’t something missing?
You won’t cry for my absence, I know –
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant…?
Am I so insignificant…?
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?
Even though I’d be sacrificed,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?
Please, please forgive me,
But I won’t be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
Shudder deep and cry out:
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?
Even though I’d be sacrificed,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?
And if I bleed, I’ll bleed,
Knowing you don’t care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t something…
Even though I’d be sacrificed,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?”
“Why do you always have be so beautiful?” Skyler says appearing suddenly.
I jump slightly, then shrug. Skyler sits by me and wraps a blanket around us. He feels so cold. I stretch out, pull him ontop of me, and use my body heat to warm him. He lays his head on my shoulder.
“I thought you hated me,” Skyler says.
I take a moment to gather my words, then say, “That’s my problem… I can’t hate you. I love you too much. In the words of Evanescence, you are my night sky. I don’t know what I’d do without you… Before this year, I never thought I was good enough for you or, for that matter, anyone… Sky… All I want is for you to be happy. I’d sacrifice everything for you to be happy… Knowing I don’t have a chance-” I start.
“Amaya… You have more of a chance than anyone… I love you… I’ve only two before you, but neither has had my love like you do… Neither of them have been so captivating. I don’t feel like I deserve you. I don’t feel like I should corrupt you… I don’t feel like I should take away your innocence-” He starts.
“What innocence?” I ask.
Skyler looks at me.
“I have no innocence left… My life, my family, my friends, my enemies… They’ve taken all the innocence out of my body… They did it long ago… You can’t take the innocence out of me… All you can do is leave another scar… Or make them easier to bare,” I say looking into the distance.
Skyler brings himself above me and looks directly down at me. I try to look at him as if I’m numb, but the pain still shows. He kisses me. I kiss him back wrapping my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me. He pulls away.
“…Amaya?…” Skyler whispers.
“Sky…” I whisper answering him
“Mom’s going to kill me for this, but I don’t care anymore… I love you too much to take the chance of losing you to a blizzard or another man… Will you be mine?” He ask nervously.
“Of course,” I say smiling.
I kiss him. Skyler kisses back smiling. I pull away. He moves over beside me laying on his side. I roll over to my side facing him. We wrap our arms around each other. He falls asleep. I watch him sleep smiling.
‘I’m his. He’s mine.’ I remind myself as if I could forget. ‘It could be like this forever…’
Broken Notes 